The Curse of Productivity
Being productive has its place, don’t get me wrong. However, when that’s the only way we can receive positive feedback and value, the tasks we do that seem “unproductive” become things we avoid out of guilt. Have you found a song you want to listen to on repeat? Do you feel the need to do a productive thing while listening to it to feel like you aren’t “wasting time”? Time is money, says The Man. And there’s a sad truth to that. However, our human bodies were not made to operate on such maddening levels. We have cycles. We ebb and flow. There’s time to work and time to rest. And if productivity culture taints the time we need rest, then we will just end up more burnt out.
This is an image of an art piece I’m working on.
It’s abstract. I sprayed water on the page and dabbed it with water color paint. Now I’m painstakingly tracing all of the different edges I see. This has been many hours of meditative line-drawing.
It may turn into a piece that could be sold, but why does that have to be the point to pursue art?
In our schooling years, we feel the pressure to “figure it all out.” Each decision made in school could lead to opportunities for societally-defined success. We only seem to receive positive regard when we meet the conditions of goals, not from the effort we put in. If results are not to the degree of societal expectations, then consequences ensue. These pressures are placed on our parents to perform a certain way, which leads to them laying that pressure on their kids as well. Success leads to security and stability. All our parents want is for us to be safe. And if the first step to safety is to please the productivity gods, then so be it.
Rest is Resistance
My therapist shared with me some cards from this Rest Deck, which made me question my anxiety and feelings of urgency. Questioning is one of my favorite things to do. However, I often do that from a purely intellectualizing standpoint. I have convinced myself I can think my way out of any emotion without somatic integration. I have stayed pretty stuck in Big Feelings for most of my life due to not wanting to feel them in my body (I’m just a floating head, right?).
Intellecualizing feels productive. You problem-solve with intellect. If we get present and FEEL, then our intellectualizing parts will get antsy. What do we do now that we’ve named the feeling? It feels weird. How about we muffle this weird feeling with other sensations we can understand. This is where addiction can creep in. The sensations we understand lead to a feeling of comfort, even if uncomfortable. Alcohol drunkenness. Fullness from food. Hunger from lack of food. Nicotine buzz. Mindless social media scrolling. Once I realized these things were done to be the “solution” to my unsolved and unfelt feelings, I started to get curious about my resistance to feeling my feelings.
Living is about Experiencing Life
Living can feel like a hamster wheel. That’s productivity culture for you. No rest. Only production. No satisfaction. No celebration. Well, maybe a small one…but then BACK TO WORK. It makes everything shrouded in a thick fog of pressure to perform. This pressure then exists everywhere. You weren’t perfect in a social situation? FOR SHAME. You didn’t use your time “wisely”? You lazy piece of shit. This art technique you’re trying out isn’t making results you could sell? Wow…you’re a waste of space.
While these seem like harsh criticisms, I’m sure a lot of us tell ourselves this, and it’s only compounded by society continuing to praise us for completed reproducible work. What if I told you that life is not all about producing sellable products? What if we could find curiosity amid uncomfortable feelings? What if we can sit in the present a few seconds longer to take in the sights and smells and sounds? What if we can experience the moment in its fullness, knowing we have different reminders set to pull us into the next task defined by a time frame?
So this is my invitation to you to explore the present and discover how much productivity culture has caused stress you don’t need to buy into at the severity you’ve done so. What hobby or activity have you been avoiding because it doesn’t feel like it has a means to an end? Try it out just for exploration’s sake! The more we build up curiosity, the more we can enjoy the present moment of self-care.
